The Mysterious Ruins

The Mysterious Ruins Part 2

Hearse Looking at You, Kid!

In the last episode our search for Halloween Evil brought us to a macabre gathering of the strange denizens of Manitou Springs, Colorado, no doubt preparing for a lurid fire-lit ritualistic ceremony of naked dancing, blood sacrifices and cannibalism. The street has been cleared for the arrival of God knows what ranks and machinations of eldritch horror...

ACHTUNG! The Horrible Mohawk Halloween Regime has assumed control!

YOU THERE!-make an extreme jack-o-lantern that belches fire and smoke! YOU!-paint your little sister's face to look like a kitty cat! YOU!-think of strange new uses for candy corn! ZEIG HALLOW!

Need a ride, mortal? The kid in everyone loves hearses. Black hearses, white hearses, um, gray hearses... Big hearses, sm-.... Errr.... Hearses!

How about a hearse that will Monster Mash your ass if you you don't like the color pink?

This ambulance is nice but a little too pristine to be scary. Unless it's like a Christine ambulance, or something. Hey, wait a minute.... If I survive this I've got a great idea for a shameless rip-off book to write!

Woah! That Fascist babe is totally checking me out. She looks like Patty Hearse-t.

No, no. I've got to focus!

These people should have checked gramma's pulse before putting her on the roof. And that's good advice for anyone. Even-... Wait! Is that Zombie Tom Arnold?

Who ya gonna call? I'm gonna call that girl, I was just asking who you gonna call?

Hey you damn kids! Quit playing with the corpse! How's daddy supposed to make it in the hearsin' business if you keep messin' 'em up?

I guess what I'm trying to say is...hearses.

Especially this one.

Oh dear Lord! Now what?....

Off-ed to the Races!

Doc Holiday-Rest in ?

If you ever visit the beautiful town of Glennwood Springs, Colorado and are thinking about penciling in to your busy itenerary a visit to the grave of legendary gunslinger Doc Holiday, there are a couple of caveats. First, the tour broshure doesn't tell you that there is going to be a steep dirt road between you and the grave. I'm talking steep. I'm talking a hike. I'm talking hot sun and circling vultures and the hammering of heart upon chest. Leave gramma back at the car.... (UPDATE!) I've since learned that there is apparently a less challenging route up to the cemetery that we didn't know about because, well, we took the wrong fork in the road or something. Embarassing!

Secondly, the grave marker is not so much a grave marker as a marker indicating that you are standing, parched and weary from your grueling climb, somewhere in the basic approximate ballpark of Doc Holiday's grave. Maybe. The body may have been taken by family to be buried in Oakhill Cemetery in Griffin Georgia. Another story is that the the older graves at this grave site were washed away in a mudslide. Likely, the truth is that they don't want someone to get to thinking how awesome it would be to have Doc Holiday's skull above their fireplace. Anyway, here's some rocks to signify his existence, somewhere. Notice where people have thrown poker chips and flowers and playing cards on his grave. And a little pocket change. You know, in case he rises from the grave and gets a hankerin' to play some nickel slots or something.

Manitou Springs-City of EVIL!

In the wicked wicked town of Manitou Springs something sinister is afoot. What could it be? What draws the legions of the dead and iniquitous there on such a sunny day? In the 1980s Geraldo Rivera declared Manitou Springs the Satanic Capital of the Western World! The very name Manitou is synonymous with mystery and darkness! Someone had better investigate. But does this evil sign mark my last chance to turn back?

Here goes... (click below to continue...)

Hearse Looking at You, Kid!

The Colorado Cannibal (& Me)

This bottle which (one presumes) once contained medicinal brandy is my family's connection to celebrated Colorado Cannibal Alferd Packer. D.S. Hoffman was my great-grandfather and, at the time of the so-called Al Packer Massacre, was a physician at the remote mountain town of Lake City, where trail-guide Al Packer would later be tried for the murder of the five members of a prospecting expedition that came to a gory end near Lake San Cristobal. It's really quite a long story so I'll give you the post-card summary right up front:

Souvenir shops in the lovely town of Lake City are crammed with Al Packer momentos and post cards such as this one showing the massacre site.

Here's my own photo of the memorials plaque.

And backed up a bit to show some of the surrounding territory.

And here's Lake San Cristobal. I slept at the lodge there, once.

Here's a couple of pics of an Al Packer wax exhibit in Denver. I kind of doubt it's still around since I haven't seen any recent images.

This seems to be from the Denver Courthouse but I don't really know. The following are from an old souvenir booklet I bought as a kid, followed by a couple of movie trailers for fun:

As you can see, quite a legend has been built up around the incident. In case you didn't notice, that's South Park creator Trey Parker as Alferd Packer in Cannibal: The Musical. And though Ravenous was probably inspired as much by Indian legend as Al Packer, Robert Carlyle's character is clearly modeled after Packer. There is quite a lot of information about Al Packer (and what became of him) online, as well as images, songs, recipes and what have you. Here's the Wiki just to get you started on the whole fascinating story.

Lon Chaney's Birthplace

On the way downtown to Zeezo's Magic Shop to take a picture of their wall of masks I suddenly realized I had a better subject right under my nose. The old Colorado School for the Deaf and Blind where Lon Chaney sr's parents met. I don't know if Lon was born in the school but he was born in this town, at least.

It's a really vast complex with lots of interesting architecture and old (for this area) trees. This is just part of it.

Just for grins, here's the city's original power plant, nearby. I suppose it could be haunted or something, huh?

Downtown at the City Auditorium we have the Lon Chaney theater, recently reopened.

And I found out that stinking Zeezo's moved and they don't have a wall of masks anymore so to blazes with them.